Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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