the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
