You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
