i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
