and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
