the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
