What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I deserve this hangover.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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