Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
