So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
