Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
