I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
