I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
