i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
cat food counts as protein by the way
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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