He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
no, he came in my armpit
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
