there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Fuck me I smell like cheese
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
