there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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