Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
