I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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