She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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