to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
