Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
