so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
