went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
