Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
