Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
