Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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