He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
