I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize