Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
