non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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