I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
