like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
