I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
