a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
we're so committed to being not committed
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