Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
this is an emotional support booty call
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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