Duck Duck Cougar?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
