I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
