I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
