My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
