That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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