I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
