i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
