so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize