I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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