We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize