I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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