Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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