Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
