Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
