I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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