He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We just shotgunned beers for America
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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