my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
ttyl tear gas
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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