they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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