so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
