I want to walk on stilts...naked
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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