I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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