i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
