he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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