um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
