I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
