Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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