Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i believe in u and ur pee
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
