She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize