I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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