Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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