he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
