I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
