Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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