the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
