U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
