thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
