Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
