i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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