This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
