she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
