we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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