he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
