I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
