did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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