I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
