She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
