this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
