That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
