All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize