What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
