He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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