sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
