im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
