This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
