Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
