you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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