Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
