I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
