Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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