Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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