I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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