Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
