Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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