I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
